I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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