i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
