Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
