You're earring is so big in my mouth
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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