dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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