For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
