my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
