She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You are the jesus of drinking
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
