Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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