Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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