Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
