Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
