And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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