I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
