Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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