I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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