dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
