google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
