I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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