Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
