yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
