she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
