I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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