oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
