i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
