I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
