Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i dont even know how to be here
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
