A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
