So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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