Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
They have beer where we have blood.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
