she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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