I'm so fucking centered right now
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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