so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
