Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
