Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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