He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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