I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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