Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
