i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
