Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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