1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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