no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
