The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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