if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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