ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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