can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
