Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
