Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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