ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
