Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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