I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
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