after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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