I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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