living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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