You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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